Sly Uses

by God yes wait yes hold on he was on the cards this morning when I laid out the deck

December 29th • Penelope

The cards are vague and mysterious.

Scene: [On a bed of something as soft as what do you call it gossamer, wait, what is that, snakes? That’s a bed of snakes now? How the hell are we paying for this? Did we have to hire snake wranglers too? Jesus Christ!]

Jesus: [On the god mic] Yes we have wranglers, but just for one infinite snake. God says don’t worry about the budget he thinks he has a donor. Ok head in the game people. Places please Cassandra, Lakshmi, Vishnu keep Rip Van Winkling it right there where you are. He’s sleeping hard. Let me know when we have places. From the top of the show, standby on lights 1 through 5, and snake wranglers: go.]

Scene: [On a bed of snake soft as what do you call it gossamer, Vishnu is sleeping while Lakshmi massages his feet and gossips with Cassandra.]

Lakshmi: So how is God’s play going to go, it must be opening soon, no?

Cassandra: Wait, am I sitting on a snake? I better not make an alnight sitting on this affair. I mean. Sorry. What? His one man show? Oh honey you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

Lakshmi: That bad?

Cassandra: I did the cards, and first off I get reversed four of pentacles crossed by the happy squirrel.

Lakshmi: Oh that’s cute. Isn’t that good?

Cassandra: It’s bad. I mean, corners are being cut all over the place and it’s like he’s obsessed with promotion. He says that he has money of course so we’ll be all right, but you know the membership numbers have not been good lately. Christmas drove in a few advanced ticket sales, but we won’t see any of those people again until Easter. And then you cross all that with a happy squirrel: this show will stink like road kill.

Lakshmi: But it will have a long run?

Cassandra: No. And it’s his own fault. He got reversed 5 of swords at the top, I mean, come on. He brought it on his own damn self and then hooking up with his with his ex wife all the time squandering money and getting drunker and drunker. The rest of the time he’s been just plain intoxicated on himself. He has wardrobe making skinny jeans! You should see him all squeezed and squashed into them!

Lakshmi: No!

Cassandra: Sure enough. It will be a spectacle on the stage, imagine paying $450 in the preserved seats for that to see! It was all right there in the reversed three of cups. Yeah it’s all great fun, and won’t it be the biggest hit show of all time, so hey! Lets celebrate now!

Lakshmi: Was that his attitude?

Cassandra: Acting upon him. His attitude was the reversed ace of wands. So.

Lakshmi: Blocked.

Cassandra: Yup. He did have Judgement straight up; that was interesting. He’s going to have to make a change. It’s time to look everything over and weigh it all out. The show can’t sustain itself as a one man thing. It just doesn’t work in this day and age, with audiences like these.

Lakshmi: I know it. Fickle. He should have stuck with the triple act. So much less pressure when you’re in an ensemble.

Cassandra: Don’t I know it and I told him too, but does he listen to me? No. Does anybody listen to me? No.

Lakshmi: They don’t.

Cassandra: No they don’t.

Lakshmi: God’s tongue is too flat.

Cassandra: Really? Ew. I wouldn’t let him lick me.

Lakshmi: He does it all wrong too.

Cassandra: Pigs of men. And what about that one? Don’t you get sick of Vishnu’s big square feet up in your mouth like that?

Lakshmi: The first night ever we met, I had just floated up out of the ocean and we stood staring at one another for about 10 minutes as if we met somewhere. It was a recognition, you know? I saw him and I knew I’d be rubbing this man’s cold feet for all eternity. So tell me more. What’s the future, what’s the final outcome for God: The One Man Show!

Cassandra: I drew the king of swords for the future, so he’ll find a different layer of consciousness to work in. He’ll have to. He’ll figure it out, he just has to be rational about it. And the play? I don’t even know how to tell him. What am I going to tell him? It was the five of pentacles reversed: he’ll lose money on this thing. Really, he ought to lose money itself from the whole enterprise: money has nothing to do with being god. I tried to tell him. I talked and talked until you couldn’t even see me anymore, I was just this angry woman’s mouth telling him come on man, believe me! This is how it’s going to be damn it, listen! I’m telling you!

[Cassandra is interrupted by somebody on the god mic. Who the hell is that?]

no thats no thats no way no stop just stop shut up cassandra shut up people dont believe you because some man told them not to believe you here i am apollo telling the story first so dont believe cassandra when she talks the one who tells the story first wins my ass ok my motherfucking ass is that what you think chica no just speak girl and let them all believe what they will and you know what congratulations everybody wins so lose it just let it go baby love its no loss what are you losing whats lost its a gain you want to spend all time trying to make people know the future you want them to see dont you see it too the truth its true its true thats you all the time with believe me believe me and they dont believe you and poor me im such a victim is that what you tell yourself and why because ajax raped you and whats her face athena just stood there and watched is that going to be the why for everything you going to let that be your loss forever get over it its done let it go no loss ok its a gain to be done with that lot and let apollo say whatever he likes to any born fool wholl believe all his blather because hes god hes god so what you be god too ok youre god too you are god done moving on now go

The proportion increasing and the disparity diminishing.

November 18th • Ithaca

Holy Mother Public Relations, Inc.

10th Heaven

Empyrean

Meeting Minutes

Date: November 18

Time: 2:11 am

Location: 10th Heaven conference room C, Empyrean building

Purpose: Commission of a sculpture of the Immaculate Conception

Attendees:

The Virgin Mary, Holy Virgin of Virgins, Mother Most Pure, Mother Most Chaste, Mother Inviolate, Mother Undefiled, Virgin Most Prudent, Virgin Most Venerable, Virgin Most Renowned, Virgin Most Powerful, Virgin Most Merciful, Virgin Most Faithful, Queen of Virgins, Queen Who has Never Known the Touch of Man. Never. Also, Martha, Jesus, and Gabriel.

Agenda:

1. Discuss the commission of a hyperrealistic sculpture of the Immaculate Conception to be created by Martha, a woman of no independent means, currently residing in the third floor copy room of the Empyrean building, Holy Mother Public Relations.

2. Get Martha off our hands. No offense Martha.

Discussion:

1. With this sculpture Mary wants to express in the most more-than-realistic way possible, the experience she felt deep within her body, a pounding fullness of infinite size deep within her most finite space burning hot and dripping wet. Mary very gratefully, with grateful appreciation, with sincere appreciative gratitude, in appreciatively grateful sincerity, expressed her gratitude to Gabriel for delivering God’s message with such gratifying skill and finesse. Gabriel expressed to Mary that the pleasure was all his and indeed, worth repeating. Martha suggested Mary and Gabriel get a room.

2. Jesus proposed adjourning the meeting. And also, if God is an intelligible sphere whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere, the moment Mom had knowledge of Dad might be expressed as an inscribed polygon within the sphere that grows more like a circle the more angles it has. Yet even though the multiplication of its angles be infinite, nothing will make the polygon equal the sphere unless the polygon is resolved into identity with the sphere. Martha asked so now she’s expected to enclose infinity within a finite space. It was really more of a statement than a question. Mary said yes, square the circle.

3. Jesus stated that the whole problem in planning an end of the world (particularly the end of history) sculpture, is that you have to speak of what lies beyond the end and also, at the same time, of the impossibility of ending.

Action Items:

1. Gabriel suggested he could provide Martha with an Immaculate Conception demonstration. Martha declined. Mary said Martha really should reconsider.

2. Mary stated the sculpture should be ready for the perceived if not actual cessation of the existence of temporality currently scheduled for this coming December 21st, though the date might be fudged a little.

3. Joseph will check Mary’s schedule and compile a list of possible alternate dates for the annihilation of the world and consequent extermination of the human species, inevitable but impredictable.

4. Joseph to check with Cassandra’s assistant: see when we can schedule a prediction on that.

4. Because Jesus is so damn linear, he will provide us with an end of the world, despite mathematical appearances that there will be no end because we are already in an excess of ends: the transfinite. And in an exceeding of finalities: transfinality.

5. Mary wants the sculpture to be both fascinating and spiritually enthralling, and as we have no vision of final conditions, it must portray an image of negative destiny in a kind of a retrospective arrangement. Also, Mary wishes to see herself as others see her.

6. Martha requires the following materials: two brushes (one green one maroon) and one thousand one hundred thirty two sheets of tissue paper.

Minutes typed by: Joseph

Approved by: Mary, Virgin and CEO

It was in consequence of a portwine beverage on top of Hennessy’s three star.

September 18th • Circe

12:26 am

Scene: [In an alchemists laboratory, an exhausted owl and a disheveled goat move in opposing arcs around a stork-shaped alembic suspended over an enormous fire. A nebulous obscurity that looks like what do you call it gossamer occupying space within the alembic is communicating with the assembled company, which includes Cassandra, Lizzie Twigg, and St. Agatha.]

Lilith: [Obviously missing some feathers] But what you don’t understand, AE, is that you have not reincarnated and you are most certainly not deathless. Just look at yourself!

Cassandra: Or smell yourself for that matter, isn’t that thing supposed to be hermetically sealed?

Azazel: [Mascera running down his face, lipstick on his teeth, dead roses slipping off of his horns, in obvious need of a mirror] AE, can you hear me? AE, pay attention! You are manifest without rebirth, that’s it. You are nothing. You accomplished your nothingness badly too and for what?

AE: [with a voice of waves] I’m not leaving here until I deliver my message to the world. Death is the highest form of life. And the highest form of life is me. I am death!

Cassandra: What a narcisist. He’s going to talk about himself until he’s black in the face. Lilith, can we get on with the re-death without AE’s cooperation? We have fire, the bicycle pump for air, and what is that thing?

Lizzie Twig: A lobster?

Lilith: A crayfish. We couldn’t source a real lobster. [Scowls at Azazel].

Cassandra: A crayfish then, for water. We need something earthy.

Lilith: Something sexually titilating for him, perhaps a pair of breasts? Agatha?

St. Agatha: I left them at the convent.

Lilith: Lizzie, tell us about your first time with AE.

St. Agatha: She’s a bride of Christ! She can’t be confessing her every little past indiscretion. What will he think?

Lizzie Twigg: No that’s ok, Agatha. I want to do this; I need closure. I remember I had just answered an ad to aid AE in literary work, but typing skills weren’t required. In a weak moment I let him larrup it into me for the fun of it. I had been drinking Bass, and absinthe, or was it burgundy and absinthe. I remember the absinthe, but what else was it?

Lilith: Doesn’t matter. He’s listening. Look.

Azazel: AE, seek thou the light!

AE: I won’t have my leg pulled!

Cassandra: Good idea. Lilith, reach in there and let’s fish him out.

Lilith: Yes. Azazel, stoke that fire. We’ll need the cream to rise to the top so we can reach him.

Lizzie: Fire? Is he a holocaust? Oh don’t hurt him!

Lilith: Honey, you can’t make butter without a lot of flogging. Do you want him back or don’t you?

Lizzie: I don’t know. In the beginning for us was the word. I suppose it makes sense for us to end it in the world without end. Bring him back, but I think I really fit in with the guys at the convent, it’s my home now, so I’m going back there with Agatha. AE is nothing to me.

Lilith: Oh honey, he’s nothing to us too. Trust me.

Azazel: Nothing, pray for us.

Beseeching her to intercede for them.

June 26th • Nausicaa

Oh, drink to Mary we believe that without sin she didst conceive. Teach us Mary how thus believing, we can sin without conceiving.

Holy Mother Public Relations, Inc.

10th Heaven

Empyrean

Meeting Minutes

Date: June 26

Time: 8:22 pm

Location: 10th Heaven conference room C, Empyrean building

Purpose: Intervention for Mary Star of the Sea, The Virgin of Virgins, etc.

Attendees:

Mary Star of the Sea, Holy Mary, Holy Mother of God, Holy Virgin of virgins, Mother of Christ, Mother of the Church, Mother of divine grace, Mother most pure, Mother most chaste, Mother inviolate, Mother undefiled, Mother most amiable, Mother most admirable, Mother of good counsel, Mother of our Creator, Mother of our Savior, Virgin most prudent, Virgin most venerable, Virgin most renowned, Virgin most powerful, Virgin most merciful, Virgin most faithful, Mirror of justice, Seat of wisdom, Cause of our joy, Spiritual vessel, Vessel of honor, Singular vessel of devotion, Mystical rose, Tower of David, Tower of ivory, House of gold, Ark of the covenant, Gate of heaven, Morning star, Health of the sick, Refuge of sinners, Comforter of the afflicted, Help of Christians, Queen of Angels, Queen of Patriarchs, Queen of Prophets, Queen of Apostles, Queen of Martyrs, Queen of Confessors, Queen of Virgins, Queen of all Saints, Queen conceived without original sin, Queen assumed into heaven, Queen of the most holy Rosary. Queen of the family, Queen of Peace, Queen who forgets her limits, Queen a little volatile, Queen who sometimes has Blackouts, Queen found Puking and Shitfaced Drunk just outside of Conference Room C not 6 hours ago. And others who wish to remain anonymous. [Lizzy Twigg, Cassandra, Joseph, Anne, Jesus]

Agenda:

1. Gently, oh so very gently introduce Mary to the possibility that she might have a slight, hardly noticeable really, not even anything to worry about, issue with drinking just a bit more than she ought.

2. If Mary seems at all receptive, which would be an enormous step on its own, introduce her to the 12 steps. Gently or we’re totally screwed.

Discussion:

1. Lizzy T. explained to Mary that she might consider becoming Our Lady of Temperance and C. added that Our Lady of Perpetual Kindness can be rather an angry drunk. Mary expressed that C. is a washed up hack not to be believed and Lizzy T. is a literary groupie whore who is probably stoned off her ass right now as we speak.

2. J. attempted an explanation of his feelings concerning the state of martial affairs and a little more encouragement in the bedroom might be nice. I mean, it’s not the size of the wave that counts. Mary suggested J. get back to taking meeting minutes in the kiddie pool and honey, it’s the size of the wave. It’s always the size of the wave. Besides, the motion of J.’s ocean is a drop in the bucket to somebody who’s come face to face with a tsunami.

3. Mary wanted to know who the hell invited her mother. A. said who said she wanted to be here she had better things to do. Mary said then go do them. A. said Mary was giving her an anxiety attack and she is rude and all she’s ever does is damage. Mary said A. is a controlling hypochondriac who can’t see past her own narcissism to realize that this colossal waste of time is not about her for Christ’s sake.

4. Jesus C. said what the hell is going on here. Mary said Jesus get back to your father and stop appearing suddenly as if from nowhere. Jesus C. said big words from somebody who just showed up on the belly of a South American turtle. A. said in her day children didn’t talk to their mothers like that and no wonder Jesus C. turned out rotten given the upbringing he had.

Action Items:

1. Lizzie T. suggested we discuss the 12 steps another time. Mary said we can shove the 12 steps right up our power greater than ourselves.

2. C suggested we should give it up now and save ourselves. She was overruled.

3. Jesus C. will turn all the wine back into water.

Minutes typed by: Joseph

Approved by: Unapproved

They didn’t want that kind of talk in a respectable licensed premises.

May 30th • Cyclops

Poor Joseph, God is a hard act to follow. 5:13 pm

[Scene: Just after hours at the offices of Holy Mother Public Relations, Empyrean Building, Conference room whatsits. You know the one. Near whatdoyoucallhim. Around the ideal form of a conference room table sit Cassandra, Lizzy Twigg, Māyā, Banba, Jupiter, Mars, and Paddy Dignam. Mary, known to the world as the Holy Mother of God, Holy Virgin of virgins, Mother of Christ, Mother of the Church, Mother of divine grace, Mother most pure, Mother most chaste, Mother inviolate, Mother undefiled, Mother most amiable, Mother most admirable, Mother of good counsel, Mother of our Creator, Mother of our Savior, Virgin most prudent, Virgin most venerable, Virgin most renowned, Virgin most powerful, Virgin most merciful, Virgin most faithful, Mirror of justice, Seat of wisdom, Cause of our joy, Spiritual vessel, Vessel of honor, Singular vessel of devotion, Mystical rose, Tower of David, Tower of ivory, House of gold, Ark of the covenant, Gate of heaven, Morning star, Health of the sick, Refuge of sinners, Comforter of the afflicted, Help of Christians, Queen of angels, Queen of patriarchs, Queen of prophets, Queen of apostles, Queen of martyrs, Queen of confessors, Queen of virgins, Queen of all saints, Queen conceived without original sin, Queen assumed into heaven, Queen of the most holy Rosary, Queen of families, Queen of peace, and CEO of Holy Mother Public Relations Inc., is standing at the door irritated as it is enough already with the honorifics so just shut up for the love of Christmas and let her call it a day already.]

Mary: Ok, so.

Lizzie Twigg: [Effusively] Holy Mary, Mother of God, Blessed art thou among

Mary: Yes, Yes. Well. If you have all that you need I’ll just be

Lizzie Twig: Yes I think so. Would be nice if the light was a bit more ruby in color, but can’t have

Mary: Oh please, there are bigger disappointments to contend with. Believe me, I know all too well. Lighting is nothing. Thy will be done.

[Increasing luminosity of ruby light becomes gradually visible]

Lizzie Twigg: Thanks! That’s wonderful, thank you so much, blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy

Mary: [Exiting] Yes, great. Leaving. If I have to hear again about my fruitful womb I’ll rip it out myself and slap somebody with it, I swear to God I will.

Cassandra: Thank Jupiter she’s gone!

Jupiter: You’re welcome.

Cassandra: I’ve been dying to vent about her idiot son, thank Jupiter you thought of borrowing this room Lizzie, I don’t think I could stand another séance with Jesus as Stage Manager.

Jupiter: You’re welcome. Assistant Stage Manager. Is that why we aren’t on God’s stage?

Lizzie Twigg: Amen Cassandra. And Jupiter, well, that whole issue is better left unsaid for now. So, let’s get on with it then. We might need to change our placement around the table. Mars, Jupiter, you are sitting on the wrong side of Māyā.

Cassandra: Agreed. They are making mischief with the vibrations.

Māyā: मय सोन इस अन एक्ष्केल्लेन्त स्तगे मनगेर.

Mars: [Combative] But Buddha’s not Equity.

Banba: Krak!

Cassandra: Banba, that’s really unhelpful. Not that it matters, this séance isn’t going to work. Can you please return to human form so we can get on with it.

Banba: [Shedding black feathers everywhere and reappearing as a hag in a red cloak with red eyebrows and wailing.] Fine. But when you need somebody to fly through mirrors or some other nonsense don’t come flapping to me.

Paddy Dignam: [Only partially aware of his surroundings] Who are you people? What the hell is this? Did that bloody bird just turn into a woman?

Cassandra: Relax honey, you’re dead. It will be ok.

Paddy Dignam: Who’s dead? I’m no more dead than you are.

Cassandra: Oh sweetheart, believe me, you’ve kicked the bucket. You’re dead. You have ceased to be. You have shuffled off this mortal coil. You’re gone. Bereft of life. Resting in peace. Defunct. Deceased. Belly up. Worm food. Pushing up daisies. History. Passed over, on, and away. Expired. Croaked. Departed. Snuffed it. Bit it. Met your maker. Crossed over. Bought the farm. Checked out. Perished. Cut off. Extinct. Lifeless. Liquidated. Honey, they took the liberty of burying your body about six feet under and it’s currently being eaten by rats.

Banba: Decomposing nicely, I gather.

Māyā: हे इस सुफ़्फ़ेरिन्ग उन्देर अन इल्लुसिओन्. मय्बे गिवे हिं सोमेथिन्ग तो द्रिन्क ?

Cassandra: Would you like something to drink?

Paddy Dignam: Buttermilk

Māyā: दिस्गुस्तिन्ग.

Cassandra: Jupiter?

Jupiter: Son?

Mars: [Producing buttermilk] Here you go, you pansy.

Lizzie Twigg: Ok, people, can we get on with it. Banba, you can be a raven if you want, I don’t think it will disrupt the séance.

Banba: Krak!

Lizzie Twigg: Right. So we are making another attempt to bring back AE. He resurrected himself too long ago now for anybody’s comfort and he must be decomposing badly by now. Also, knowing him, he has plans to disrupt the great divide between the living and, well, us.

Cassandra: The dead.

Paddy Dignam: [Flabbergasted] I beg your parsnips, I’m not dead.

Cassandra: Yes, you are dead.

Paddy Dignam: I’m not!

Cassandra: Fine, don’t believe me. Whatever. Om Mani Padme Hum.

Lizzie Twigg: So the idea is to develop a window to the other side, so we might see AE as if in a mirror dimly, and perhaps persuade him to come back. Mr. Dignam here being newly deceased

Paddy Dignam: I’m not dead!

Lizzie Twigg: Being newly deceased Mr. Dignam will have a particularly lifelike etheric double, so he might be able to speak most clearly to AE and relay a message from us. Ideally we would need the finest man, with the finest purest character, the noblest, the truest.

Cassandra: But Dignam will have to do.

Lizzie Twigg: Well, yes. So, Cassandra, are you ready?

Cassandra: [While fluttering her hands] Oh AE, returned falsely to mortal haunts, sun of our morning, fleet be your foot on the bracken: AE of the beamy brow. Wail Banba with the wind.

Banba: Krak!

Māyā: लूक, अ दिं मिर्रोर, इ सी हिं !

Lizzie Twigg: AE! Ok, Mr. Dignam, stick your head in there and tell him to come back!

Cassandra: We call upon the etheric double of Paddy Dignam to speak his message to the living.

Paddy Dignam: [Inserting his head into the mirror] Alf! Alf Bergan! If you see my son tell him my boots are behind the commode!

Cassandra: Oh Christ, haul him back in. I told you this wouldn’t work.

That which I was is that which I am and that which in possibility I may come to be.

April 7th • Scylla and Charybdis

Within my memory is fixed -- and now moves me -- your dear, you kind paternal image when, in the world above, from time to time you taught me how man makes himself eternal; and while I live, my gratitude for that must always be apparent in my words. 2:16 pm

Scene: [Around the ideal form of a table sit Cassandra, Caesar, Thoth, Lizzie Twigg, Brunetto Latini, Mother Dana, and Little John. The theatre is darkened and an appropriate number of candles are burning with an inward light alongside several vestals’ lamps. Peatsmoke rises from the trapdoor along with wafts of incense made from opoponax and violets. Rest suddenly possesses the discrete vaulted cell, rest of warm and brooding air.]

Lizzie Twigg: Right. Thank you all for coming.

Little John: [Drunk, a little dumb] When are we getting paid?

Cassandra: Why is he here? His breath is harming the vibrations. And are those birthday candles?

Lizzie Twigg: Yes, they seemed appropriate. Don’t mind Little John, I found him vomiting in the greenroom and we needed one more body. Seven is the perfect number for a séance and I am determined to get it right this time. So let’s get started. Æ is loose among the living, he’s only just managed to go undetected, though just barely. So far he has appeared in Scylla and Charybdis, but there is no telling where he’ll turn up next so we have to get him back. Thoth, am I speaking too quickly?

Thoth: No, I’m recording it all perfectly, thanks. Learned from Chitragupta.

Cassandra: We won’t get him back.

Lizzie Twigg: He’s coming back. Now, be prepared for paradoxes. He is alive but he is also dead. His body has regenerated and though he appears normal, he is greatly decayed. But from looking he is what he was; his moles still appear in their usual places, but he is a bit soft. Also, his molecules are shuttling to and fro much too rapidly. Mother Dana, we will need your help to repair him when we get him back.

Cassandra: We won’t get him back.

Caesar: You said that already.

Mother Dana: I can weave and unweave bodies and reconcile him to himself, but I’m not sure what to do about sharpening him up.

Lizzie Twigg: Well, we’ll cross that Rubicon when we come to it. First, there can be no reconciliation if there has not been a sundering. Should be simple after that.

Caesar: [Simply] You think it’s so easy.

Cassandra: [Easily] Down, boy. Life was hard for us all. No need to get worked up about it now you’re dead.

Caesar: [Deadly] Vixen. Whore. Who listens to you? Your kind sickens me.

Little John: [vomits under the table] Shagart! Shagart!

Lizzie Twigg: Bear with me people. When Æ resurrected he took my heart with him.

Thoth: What did it weigh?

Lizzie Twigg: And I want him back. Besides, I may see myself as I sit here now, but by reflection from that which then I shall be. And that future which casts its shadow before includes Æ.

Cassandra: But this is eternity, honey, there is no future. The future is the conjoined twin sister of the past. That which was, is. That which may come to be, is. It’s an all-at-onceness, sweet girl, nothing more.

Lizzie Twigg: Exactly. And he’s not here. My is, is missing an aeon.

Cassandra: I warn you, Lizzie, bring him back and he will crave the world of the living. But you won’t bring him back.

Brunetto Latini: Dear Twigg, when he returns you must reassure him that he will live on in his work. Glory gives the wise man a second life; that is to say, after his death the reputation which remains of his good work makes it seem as if he were still alive.

Cassandra: It won’t be enough.

Lizzie Twigg: [Tossing off a glass of brandy neat] Please, let’s get started. Where there is reconciliation, there must have been first a sundering.

Caesar: You said that already.

Those literary ethereal people.

March 25th • Lestrygonians

Lizzie Twigg is fundementially theosophagusted over the whorse proceedings. 1:33 pm

[Scene: Around the ideal form of a table sit Æ., Lizzie Twigg, the Reverend Dr. Salmon, Cassandra, and a Wizard. The stage is darkly lit and the theatre is neither over heated nor chilly but at a comfortable temperature as typically a séance releases an unusual amount of magnetism, thus the room generally becomes warmer than ordinary. The shades of the living like good ventilation too, so keep that in mind. On a side table a buffet brunch waits congealing for any hungry living soul which may come. Today’s menu includes nut steak, weggebobbles cooked in soda, fruit, two headed octopus, eyes of cow, and poached eyes on ghost.]

Æ: Those cow eyes are following me everywhere I go. Right. Let’s get started, shall we. Five of us today, not an ideal number. I would have prefered seven or something occult like 13, more symbolic.

Rev. Dr. Salmon: Take yourself in hand, Æ, you can’t have everything. Am I right Miss Twigg?

Lizzie Twigg: Not saying a word. Just taking it all in.

Cassandra: It is easier with one medium but we appear to have two. Well, as long as he remembers who is running the show, we can’t have the energies dividing. Now, the purpose of today’s séance is to attract a living spirit Æ might possess long enough for his astral body to re-enter the physical world.

Wizard: Metempsychosis?

Æ: No, resurrection. I’ll be needing my body which I understand will regenerate around me.

Rev. Dr. Salmon: Hold on a minute. That body was tinned long ago, you’ll smell like a bad egg, you can’t put an egg back into the shell, the genie is not going to fit back into the bottle, once you get it out it’s hard to get it back in.

Cassandra: Please, too many images scrambled. Let’s keep clear, yes?

Æ: My vegetative body will be attracted by my active astral body and through the vibration of molecules the phenomena of density and apparent weight will collect particles together along with an unseen mass of electrical and magnetic matter, and from that my physical body will form within the living world. Easy. Scientific.

Lizzie Twigg: I answered the wrong ad. I could have picked the other gentleman who wanted aid in literary work. Or even the riding companion one. That sounds pretty good now. I could use a good belt of booze.

Æ: Shall we venture now into the untrodden woods to carve the future ways?

Wizard: Æ, Æ beware of the day! For dark and despairing, my sight I may seal, but man cannot cover what God would reveal: ‘Tis the sunset of life gives me mystical lore, and coming events cast their shadow before.

Lizzie Twigg: [Agitated, her stockings loose over her ankles. I detest that. Tasteless.] Yes! Remember, time put by a myriad fates that her day might dawn in glory; death made wide a million gates so to close her tragic story. I took it all in. Didn’t you pay attention to your own words? Why go back? Here, there, eternity, temporality. What difference does it make to us? We have left the day to day.

Rev. Dr. Salmon: I say, it is feeling quite close in here.

Æ: We are doing this. I want to do this. I’ll get a different séance circle, but I am going back.

Lizzie Twigg: This isn’t what you thought it would be, is it Æ? There is nothing dreamy here, or cloudy, or symbolistic. You wanted the light of lights. You still do. You miss wanting what you didn’t get. So you retreat back into wanting. You want to be the head upon which the ends of the world have forgotten to come.

Cassandra: Please, you are disturbing the vibrations. Let us join hands and begin.

Lizzie Twigg: Fine. But why anybody would want to entrap themselves into the present moment amongst the unenlightened. This will never work.

Cassandra: Believe me, we will channel the living and Æ will go back.

Wizard: Down, soothless insulter! I trust not the tale.

Cassandra: Please. You don’t believe me? Tell me something I haven’t heard before. Ok. Moving on. We call on the living spirit of the one who has been hovering near. I feel you. I know you are here. Make a sign to us. One click for yes and two clicks for no.

Æ: Anything?

Cassandra: I heard something but it was more a mouse than a click.

Wizard: The war drum is muffled.

Cassandra: I call upon you, you know who you are, to draw near. Lean in honey, we can hear you breathing.

Lizzie Twigg: Look at Æ!

Wizard: Oh! mercy dispel yon sight, that it freezes my spirit to tell! Life flutters convulsed in his quivering limbs, and his blood-streaming nostril in agony swims.

Cassandra: Oh holy Zeus I didn’t believe myself this time but look! Æ? Can you hear us Æ?

Æ: Click.

Lizzie Twigg: Where did he go? Oh Jesus Fucking Christ, I swear to stage manager, nothing good can come from this.

God: [from the booth on the god mic] Ok hold. Jesus, what in my name is going on down there? Where is Æ?

Jesus: I’m not sure. He’s gone. I think they resurrected him.

God: He can’t be resurrected. This is supposed to be a dress rehearsal, and people please stay on script and stick to the blocking. The light cues were a mess toward the end of that. Jesus, get Æ back and let’s go again from the top.

Jesus: I can’t get him back, he’s been resurrected. Like Lazarus, remember?

God: [On the god mic] How can I forget that debacle? Can still smell his stench.

Rev. Dr. Salmon: How was I? I felt a little off.

Cassandra: You were very convincing, believe me.

Rev. Dr. Salmon: I didn’t get to say my speech. The dreamy cloudy gull, waves o’er the waters dull.

Jesus: Um, God? Now that Æ is loose in the world, well, that’s going to throw a wrench into Scylla and Charybdis.

God: [on the god mic] Not our problem. Jesus Christ where’s the holy spirit? Why we are going with a director we can’t keep track of, only I know. Well, we don’t have time for this. Let’s recast Æ and move on. Is Arius busy? Did he get over his, well, issue? Maybe call his agent. Let it be done. Don’t forget we have casting for Circe coming up and tech for that will be a nightmare.

Pluterperfect Imperturbability

February 3rd • Nestor

Emptiness is everywhere and it can be calculated, which gives us a great opportunity. 10:43 am

May I trespass on your valuable space? I’m Cassandra. I was just invoked. You know, think about me a little and poof, here I am! Most of the time you don’t know it, or if you do you don’t want to, but that’s what happens. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest that you don’t believe me. Believe me, nobody listens to me. You know, I’ve grown enough to admit that never being believed used to upset me a little bit. Just a little. Ok, enormously. It was everything. Frankly, it made me crazy. But I’ve had a little therapy with what’s his name. That Swiss Tweedledum (not to be confused with the Viennese Tweedledee) and now I am more than perfectly unaffected by the reactions of others to my truth. A transcendent level of perfectly unaffected. Except I do have some guy issues. Got pretty screwed over by a boyfriend once. His name was Apollo, you might have heard of him. There’s also Ajax but I can’t talk about that yet. Anyway, Apollo was a lot like that chick who was no better than she should be. You know the one. No, not that one. Not Helen who caused that whole mess back in Troy, no. I mean Torralba. Is that how you spell it? Torralva. Same difference. Sounds the same. Anyway, she’s no Helen of Troy. Torralba’s face launched a thousand ships too, but those were getting away! Sorry. Sweet kid really. Stout, kind of a wild child. Has a moustache that she pretends isn’t there. Somebody ought to tell her to take care of it, but how? Awkward. I told her keeping that thing on her lip was not going to work out for her but she didn’t listen. So frustrating! I could just! Ok, breathe. Om Mani Padme Hum. Om Mani Padme Hum. Total awareness. Got it, I’m cool. Have to keep centered or I’ll end up in crazytown again. So what was I saying? Oh yeah, Torralba. She met a decent, good looking guy with a steady job. Ok it was a job herding goats but still. He loved Torralba and since nothing is less attractive to a woman than a guy who adores her, she didn’t want anything to do with him. Creepy. Came on way too strong too fast. On the first date he said his mother would love her, how many kids do you want, and I’ve always seen myself getting married on the beach. Yikes. She changed her digits, all of them. And as one must, the nice goat-herd turned into a complete jackass who hated her for rejecting him. Then of course, as is customary, once the goat-herd started treating Torralba like complete shit she decided that she loved him. Happens every time. A loves B, B doesn’t love A. Then A hates B which makes A suddenly irresistible. If A+B=B-A then A-B=A*∞. And around it goes. Of course we all would rather end up with ((A+B)=(B-A))/((A-B)=(A*∞)) = ∏/4 but not everybody finds their soul mate. Apollo loved me but faster than I rejected him he totally screwed me over. So here’s the bottom line. You are going to fall into this same trap. Don’t be like Torrabla or her goat-herd! Or Apollo. Or me. Beware. Believe me. Come on, I can tell when somebody is blowing me off, mark my words, there is danger ahead. Listen to me! Oh crap. Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocean. Breathe in through the nose. And out. Good. Ok. So you seem to be eavesdropping on Stephen a bit. He has father issues, you know. And he’s been spending too much time around the English department lately. I told him it would be no good for him but did he listen? Acted like he couldn’t even see me. Deasy wants his help getting an article published. Lots of paranoia there, thinks somebody might get there first, this is my idea not your idea. Same old bullshit. I told him to strike while the iron is relevant but will he listen to me? He won’t, nobody does. You know, you might look into what you’ve been doing to that body of yours. You know what I mean, don’t pretend you don’t. Your doom is coming. Don’t say I didn’t tell you. Believe me if you will. What will it matter if you wont? It comes when it comes, and soon you’ll see it face to face and say that the seer was all too true. You will be moved with pity.