Scene: [An impromptu meeting at the shrine of St. Foutinus. A statue of St. Foutinus stands erect in an impressively sized bathtub allowing a variety of palmers and bedesmen to pour their wine offerings over his genitalia while those unable to be delivered of their spleen of lustihead leave wax images of their withered members in hopes a redress God grant. Doesn’t hurt to try.]
Averroes: [Holding a small lump of wax] What are you doing here?
Moses Maimonides: [The wounds on his face infected in places, pus oozing past stitches] I’m not speaking to you yet. Hlo Lilith. Are you allowed to swim in there?
Lilith: [Naked. Floating on her back in St. Foutinus’ tub.] Not really. But Foutinus and I have a little understanding, don’t we darling.
St. Foutinus: Screech owl! Night hag!
Lilith: He’s a little stiff at the moment. What are you doing here. Oh, I see. Sorry. Averroes, didn’t you have enough wax?
Averroes: Never you mind! You should get out of there, you could get pregnant that way.
Lilith: Oh honey, if that’s what you think no wonder you can’t get it up.
Moses Maimonides: Idiot.
Averroes: I though you weren’t speaking to me. Besides it’s true. St. Ultan bathes in cold water on windy days, just to avoid it. He’s got enough mouths to feed.
Moses Maimonides: You just told Lilith she could get pregnant. Dumbass. Don’t you know who she is? She is the inception of termination. She is the eraser of mistakes. She is the darkness at the end of the tunnel, the reliever of stomach bloat and frequent urination, the great evacuator. She’s what’s between a woman and her doctor. She takes care of it. She is the saver of the mother’s life! Might as well tell her the wind will get her pregnant.
Lilith: Oh is Zephyrus here? He blows both ways you know.
Moses Maimonides: [After a pregnant pause] Does he?
Averroes: [Dissembling, as his wont was] My apologies Lilith, but what are you doing bathing in there? That vinegar cures barrenness!
St Foutinus: Vampire! I smell your reek of moonflower!
Lilith: Just making my monthly contribution, drum up a little business. Benefits everybody you know. She who stealeth from the poor, lendeth to the Lord.
Averroes: Who was it who said that?