Now, the best answer to any problem, not to be too woo woo about it, is to let the universe decide, or rather, leave it up to the universe to tell you the best path. The choice is yours, you have free will as far as I can see. You do. You have lots of it. But it can help, or at least it can’t possible hurt to gain a little advice from a power greater than ourselves. So come on, do you have cold feet about the cosmos or are you with me? Now. Hold the hand mirror in the proper position and imagine any problem you might be having. A matter of the heart maybe, or a financial problem. Perhaps another person is sleeping with your beloved. Or maybe you can’t decide how much cream to put into your cocoa. It can be anything, just hold your question in your mind with clear intent and allow me to practice sortes Shakespearianae on your behalf. I am using a leatherbound Shakespeare complete, 1926, kept carefully upright and once owned by Guare Swofr Jr. from what I can make out of his or her appallingly illegible signature. Ready? We ask the blessed universal oneness to grant us clarity and insight and guide our hand to the correct place for enlightenment. The answer to your problem is:
Shame and confusion! all is on the rout; Fear frames disorder, and disorder wounds where it should guard.
That’s from the second part of King Henry VI, act 5, scene 2, spoken by Young Clifford. Tell you anything? Tells me you should maybe avoid the cocoa and stick with water. And somebody is definitely sleeping with your beloved. Oh dear. You look terrible. Do over! Let’s do it again. This time we’ll try sortes Biblicae. I have a nicely dogeared copy of the bible inscribed To Mike. From: Robbie Nelson. The copyright page has been torn out. Ready? We ask the universe with full hearts and clear heads for the answer to our questions and your solution is:
Nebuchadnezzar the king made an image of gold, whose height was threescore cubits, and the breadth thereof six cubits.
Pretty! Book of Daniel 3:1, so I’d say pour the cream! Not sure what this says about your other problems though. Perhaps you should find a nice golden idol to worship? Or craft one of your own? Maybe we should try again. The universe is never wrong, you understand, it does sometimes want clarification. How about sortes Cortazarae? In times of confusion I often turn to, yes, where is it now? Where? Green book, paperback, yellow piece of paper with chapter numbers and checkmarks marking chapter 110. Here! Ready? Now, we ask the universe and so on and so forth:
If the volume or the tone of the work can lead one to believe that the author is attempting a sum, hasten to point out to him that he is face to face with the opposite attempt, that of an implacable subtraction.
So you see! So use mathematics and start subtracting: lay off cocoa and dump your lover. Can’t get a clearer answer than that.
In matters of divination I find consulting either one of these three: Moby Dick, The Encantadas, or Bartleby The Scrivner–though of this last the answer always remain,”I would prefer not too.”