Having my way with Ulysses

Mort aux vaches.

Cease cows! Life is short.10:22 pm

Article here about Foot and Mouth disease.  Countless cattle coming down with cow plague and multiplying. How many? Let’s see. Divide by color: white ones, black ones, yellow ones, and the ones with foot and mouth disease. The bulls, let’s separate them out too. The white bulls are equal to a half and a third of the black together with the whole of the yellow. The black are equal to one fourth of the ones with foot and mouth disease and a fifth, together with, the whole of the yellow. Have to take into account the proportions to get this right. Have to. So. The white are equal to the third part and a fourth of the whole herd of the black, while the black are equal to the fourth part of the ones with foot and mouth disease and with it a fifth part, when all, including the bulls are counted together. Keep in mind that the ones with foot and mouth disease are equal in number to a fifth part and a sixth of the yellow herd. And of course it goes without saying, I mean just look at them for Christs sake, the yellow are equal in number to a sixth part and a seventh of the white herd. That one is yellow, that one is white. Hard to tell in this light. And they all belong to Helios so they are a little washed out. Easy to mistake. So the number of the sun’s cattle with foot and mouth disease becomes quite clear at this point. Oh, will you separate out the number of the well-fed ones and the females according to color? Thanks. You look. Are you ok? Do you need a calculator? I’ll find one. Here, use my phone. I’ll make it easy for you to picture. Really there’s as good cattle in the field as ever came out of it.  Now. When the white ones line up together with the black they form a perfect square. It’s really quite marvelous to see. And the yellow ones mixed with the ones with foot and mouth disease (you really should separate them, you do know that don’t you) naturally group together into a perfect triangle. Oh those beautiful triangular numbers! Mooing and chewing their cud. Now who’s hungry for lunch? Sardines?

Gob, he’d have a soft hand under a hen.

Akasic Records Office
Foot and Mouth Disease Committee Meeting Minutes
The meeting was called to order at 5:33 pm
Secretary: Lord Chitragupta
 
Present: Mr Knowall, Black Liz, Good Uncle Leo, Hairy Iopas, Joseph Patrick Nannetti
 
The minutes of the previous meeting stand approved as corrected.
 
 

Joseph Patrick Nannetti moved to consider the motion that the proper remedy for Foot and Mouth disease and similar diseases infecting local cattle such as timber tongue, scab, hoose, kennel cough, condylomata acuminata, TBA, and acute neurocortical emphasitis, be immediate slaughter, though no medical evidence is forthcoming as to their pathological condition.

Good Uncle Leo moved to amend the motion to indicate that foul be included with the bovines in the disease eradication plan.

Black Liz raised a point of information:  Ga Ga Gara?!

Mr Knowall moved to amend the motion that the committee consider shipdip for the scab and hoose drench for coughing calves, a known remedy exists for timber tongue and whatever be the case the proper course of action must include the most humane methods, because the poor animals suffer.

Hairy Iopas raised a point of information, what about condylomata acuminata, TBA, and acute neruocortical emphasitis?

Joseph Patrick Nannetti moved to amend the motion that as for CA, TBA, and ANE, they are SOL.

Black Liz moved to amend the motion that Klook Klook klook.  Gara. Klook Klook Klook.  Ga ga ga ga Gara.  Klook Klook Klook.

Hairy Iopas raised a point of information: does anybody know what that damn hen is talking about?

Mr Knowall raised a point of information:  would the committee be so kind as to indulge his translation of Black Liz’s amendment concerning a letter she had scratched out of a garbage heap being a defence of fowl as follows:  Lead, kindly fowl!  They always did: ask the ages.  What bird has done yesterday man may do next year, be it fly, be it moult, be it hatch, be it agreement in the nest.  For her socioscientific sense is sound as a bell, sir, her volucrine automutativeness right on normalcy; she knows, she just feels she was kind of born to lay and love eggs (trust her to propagate the species and hoosh her fluffballs safe through din and danger!); lastly but mostly, in her genesic field it is all game and no gammon; she is ladylike in everything she does and plays the gentleman’s part every time.

Good Uncle Leo raised a point of information:  You is feeling like you was lost in the bush, boy?  You says: It is a puling sample jungle of woods.  You most shouts out:  Bethicket me for a stump of a beech if I have the poultriest notions what the farest he all means.

Joseph Patrick Nannetti moved to amend the motion: don’t hesitate to shoot.

Hairy Iopas moved to close debate and vote immediately on the pending question.  Motion carried.  Aye:  Mr. Knowall, Good Uncle Leo, Hairy Iopas, Joseph Patrick Nannetti.  Nay: Black Liz.

Unfinished Business:  A member of the committee to be selected to read the letter authored by Mr. Deasy topic: foot and mouth disease, publication pending.

Peter Piper pecked a peck of pick of peck of pickled pepper.

Bloody certainly have we got to see to it ere smellful demise surprends us on this concrete that down the gullies of the eras we may catch ourselves looking forward to what will in no time be staring you larrikins on the postface in that multimirror megaron of returningties, whirled without end to end.2:13 pm

I recommend resurrection wholeheartedly to those who are whole of heart and whose hearts fill most wholly the whirling holes ringing roundabout us between the astral levels engulfing souls, hesouls, shesouls, shoals of souls, she sells shesouls by the sheshole.  Trips off the tongue.  Yes. This will be how I will preface the collection of the most promising young poets.  I have them all.  The important ones.  Nobody overlooked.  I remember it now, my work I left when I died.  But I am back and it is through logos I shall become important.  My story, my return from death, embroidered with poetry, will become our missing national epic.  I’ll gather my followers.  Malachi Mulligan of course and he will bring in Haines, who else?  Who else?  I will overlook nobody.  My head is whirling, my thoughts are simply swirling! Oh yes and I mustn’t forget the letter the kid gave me to publish.  Foot and mouth?  Well if it is important it will go in.  Now, I must take care of my smell before I gather genius and talent to my service.  My astral body was much more  pleasant than my physical.  But I exist!  I exist!  Why do I feel so nauseous?

Every Friday eats a Thursday

I asked a man what the Law was. He answered that it was the guarantee of the exercise of possibility. That man was named Galli Mathias. I ate him.1:06 pm

Fed gulls today, like that time out with Milly.  Food tastes like what it eats.  Feed pigs lots of stout and they come out tasting of it.  Robinson Crusoe ate swan meat, what do swans eat?  What would I taste like?  Well, no accounting for it.  And no need to know what’s in it, just eat it.  Every morsel.   I tried to fool the gulls with the throwaway given me.  Look out below, Elijah is coming!  What goes up must come down, at 32 feet per second per second bombs away!  That’s the law.  Did he get lifted up in a tornado?  He left his clothes behind so he’ll be coming back down naked.  If I threw myself down?  Likely to swallow lots of water like Reuben J.’s son.  Elijah will be hungry after his splashdown but plenty are well prepared to feed him.  Birds wouldn’t touch the paper I threw away for them.  Not a bit of it.  They know what’s good for them.  Spread foot and mouth disease though.  Mouth and foot, foot and mouth.  Mouth south.  That’s how writers write.  The flow of language.  The stream of it.  Write it and send it into the stream of life, doomed like Hamlet’s father to walk the earth.

Akasic records of all that ever anywhere wherever was.

The methodical task of writing distracts me from the present state of men. The certitude that everything has been written negates us or turns us into phantoms. Akasic Records Office
Ad hoc Committee Meeting Minutes
The meeting was called to order at 12:50 pm
Secretary: Lord Chitragupta
 
Present:  O’Madden Burke, Myles Crawford, Stephen Dedalus, Matt Lenehan, Professor MacHugh, J.J. O’Molloy
 

The minutes of the previous meeting stand approved as corrected.

Professor MacHugh moved to consider the motion that the troop of bare feet heard rushing along the hallway and pattering up the staircase be dubbed oratory.  The motion carried.  Aye: Burke, Crawford, Dedalus, Lenehan, MacHugh, O’Molloy.

Stephen Dedalus moved to adjourn.

O’Madden Burke raised a point of information: Is it not perchance a French compliment?

O’Madden Burke moved to amend the motion to indicate an immediate change of venue and that said change include the adoption of a wine jug in Ye ancient hostelry metaphorically speaking.

Matt Lenehan moved to amend the motion to indicate the meeting venue be changed to Mooney’s.

Matt Lenehan raised a point of information: Will we sternly refuse to partake of strong waters?

Matt Lenehan moved to amend the motion to indicate that the committee will not drink any more.

Matt Lenehan moved to amend the motion to indicate that the committee will not drink any less.

Miles Crawford moved to amend the motion to indicate that Stephen Dedalus is a chip off the old block.

Miles Crawford raised a point of information:  Where are his blasted keys?

Professor MacHugh moved to close debate and vote immediately on the pending question.  Motion carried.  Aye: Burke, Dedalus, Lenehan, MacHugh.  Nay: Crawford, O’Molloy.

Unfinished Business:  The publication of crushed typesheets, location: Crawford’s pocket, regarding Deasy letter, topic: foot and mouth disease.  The pending meeting of a committee formed by  O’Molloy to include Crawford concerning a point of information (financial).

In the Star and Garter: reflect, ponder, excogitate, reply.

Kyrie eleison12:26 pm

Virgin Mary:  (On the God mic) Welcome everybody, thank you all so much for coming today to the Star and Garter ballroom here in the Empyrean building.  We’ll get started in a few moments and as you can see we don’t have an equal number of men and women, so if you find yourself waiting, please form an orderly cue here near the front and we will direct you where to go next.  Please write your names clearly on your name tags and make sure they are visible.  You will only have eight minutes for each date so please make your time count.  No time to be shy folks, really put yourselves out there.  So.  Right.  We’d like to ask the women to choose a table, whichever one you want, it doesn’t matter, and the men will rotate from table to table when you hear the bell.  Please do not linger as there will be time during the mixer for follow-up conversations and you will not want to take time away from your next date.  Are you ready?  (off mic) Joseph, did you prep Helen?

Joseph:  As well as I could boss, but she doesn’t seem cooperative.

Virgin Mary:  Stuck up bitch.  Nothing but problems since we took her on.  Well, we need to find her a man she won’t want to run away from, even if she didn’t actually run in the first place.  And that blind date with Adam Kadmon went nowhere.

Joseph:  Not each other’s type.

Virgin Mary: No.  He wants more of a viper.  Ok here we go.  (On the God mic).  All right everybody, relax, have a good time, and remember with only eight minutes there is no reason to have anything but a fun conversation.  Stay on neutral subjects, in other words don’t talk about sex, and remember that our policy is no sex before monogamy.  Ok, Bell!

Bell: Heigho! Heigho!

Garrett Deasy:  Hello pretty lady.

Helen:  Hi.  So, what should we?

Garret Deasy:  I brought a writing sample in case you.

Helen:  You want me to read this?

Garret Deasy:  Maybe later.

Helen:  There’s a bit torn off.

Garret Deasy:  Metaphor for my life, I’ve been a bit short taken.

Helen:  So have you ever been married?

Garret Deasy:  Still am.  The bloodiest old tartar God ever made.  She once threw soup in a waiter’s face.

Helen:  Great.  What’s that on your face?

Garret Deasy:  Foot and mouth disease.

Bell:  Heigho! Heigho!

Helen:  Thank God.  Hi.

Vampire:  Hello.  You are a creature beautiful.  Want to put your mouth to my mouth?

Helen:  Not really.  Sheesh, age preceeds creepy.  Let’s not talk.

Vampire:  Yes, yes.  Your foot, allow me to put it in my mouth.  You look like the sort who could bring sin into the world, ships to the seas.  Um.  I don’t want to be rude or anything, but aren’t you going to say anything?

Helen:  Nope.

Bell:  Heigho! Heigho!

Helen:  This is already looking like a lost cause.  Hello, I’m Helen.

Napoleon:  Napoleon.

Helen:  Well, when you sit down you pretty much disappear, don’t you.  So what do you do?

Napoleon:  I am an Emperor, undefeated.  You?

Helen: Kyrios!  Lord!  That is impressive at least.  I think the last guy was a cloacamaker, woof he stank!

Napoleon:  Nature has endowed me with a virile and decisive character.

Helen:  And your other, endowments?  Judging from your stature I think it fair of me to wonder.

Napoleon:  Hasn’t it been eight minutes yet?

Bell:  Heigho! Heigho!

Helen:  Oh lord what now.  Hi I’m Helen.  What’s wrong with your head?

Pyrrhus:  (sniffing, wearing a bandage wrapped around his head with dried blood showing through the gauze) Got brained with a brick.  Saw it coming too.

Helen:  You ok?

Pyrrhus:  Yes.  No.  I’m sorry, I’m not very good at this.  I’m just feeling so, I don’t know, so overwhelmed.  I think it is some sort of existential crisis.

Helen:  Oh honey, please don’t worry about it.  You’ll be ok.

Pyrrhus:  You are so sweet.  I guess I was a bit misled in the past and now I feel like everything is a battle and I always fall.

Helen:  Oh poor, poor, poor Pyrrhus!

Pyrrhus:  My analyst says I shouldn’t just dump this all out when I first meet somebody, I should highlight the radiance of my intellect, the language of my mind.  But I don’t know.  I think I’m a lost cause.

Helen:  Poor, poor, poor Pyrrhus, I am loyal to lost causes!  I’ve never been loyal to the successful.  Success for me is the death of the intellect and the imagination.

Pyrrhus: You mean it?

Helen:  I do.

Pyrrhus:  You are a rose!  A rose of Castile!

Helen:  Of where?

Bell: Liliata rutilantium. Turma circumdet, Iubilantium te virginum.

Virgin Mary:  [On the God mic] Ok, nice speed dating people!  We’ll take a short break, have a brief mixer, then do another round.  That was great everybody! I feel so optimistic for all of you!

Joseph:  You do?

Virgin Mary:  Oh lord no.  This was supposed to help Helen’s image and who does she like?  Boohoo Pyrrhus.  Well, time is money.  Let’s get on with this travesty and have done with it.  These are disappointed people, but we mustn’t make a mockery of their disappointment.  And Joseph?

Joseph:  Yes Holy Mother?

Virgin Mary:  I am not your mother; I wish you wouldn’t call me that.  Joseph, find Jesus.  We’ll be needing lots more wine.

Toothless terrors

One said when the heavens are quakers, a second said when Bohemeand lips, a third said when he, no, when hold hard a jiffy, when he is a gnawstick and detarmined to, the next one said when the angel of death kicks the bucket of life, still another said when the wine's at witsends, and still another when lovely wooman stoops to conk him, one of the littliest said me, me, Sem, when pappa papared the harbour, one of the wittiest said, when he yeat ye abblokooken and he zmear hezelf zo zhooken10:56 am

Deasy sends me today to what is left of the print news with his letter on foot and mouth disease.  He has no chance but I did not say no.  He sees I was not born to be a teacher.  I said I am a learner, rather.  But what is it to be born to something?  I was born, yes, but I will die.  I was born to that.  And I don’t mind.  I don’t.  I look forward to it.  Dying, no.  That can only be horrible.  But death.  Yes.  I will take death.  Think of the languid peace of it.  The freedom from the worlds and worlds of choices I will never have to make or not make.  Do or not do.  To be and not to be, that’s what you get every time.  No.  I’ll take death as my fate.  I was born to it.

It is a disease

You put your hoof in it now.8:54 am

Haines asked for little pieces of me to insert into his dissertation.  Asked.  I say asked but it was more of an announcement closely followed by assumption.  Wants to collect the things I say and contain them into his pages as his discoveries.  How charming.  Buck wants me to give him my Hamlet theory but I don’t put out for free.