Having my way with Ulysses

Cycle down, hire some old crock

• Hades

Then they forgathered, huddled in one throng, weping aloud along that wretched shore which waits for all who have no fear of God. 11:23 am

I’ll tell you all about it but first I have to sit down, empty the dirt and stones out of my boots.  Woof my dogs are barking!  Jesus fucking christ that was a long ass trip.  And what have you been doing while I’ve been gone?  Lazy ass.  Look at this dump.  Shuttered.  Tenantless.  Unweeded garden.  Whole place gone to hell.  Wow I’m jet lagged.  So I’m thinking of writing the whole thing up as a travel guide for tourists.  They’ll love reading about it.  And I can make a little money too and won’t have to spend my life subsisting on the bitter taste of other’s bread, how salt it is.  Do you know how hard a path it is for one who goes descending and ascending others’ stairs?  Here, listen to this:  My journey to the afterlife took me off the beaten track where wildlife abounded.  I met up with Beatrice, an old flame who hooked me up with her tour guide friend Virgil.  Discerning travelers would do well to enlist his guidance when exploring this picturesque land of contrasts.  We began with that hidden gem, Hell’s capital city of Dis, where we took a charming boat ride ferried by a quaint local who charged us a fraction of the price you’d pay at home.  His dock was bustling with friendly locals crowded on the spit of land and as we waited silent shapes appeared, colorful characters holding out calm hands and pointing.  The vibrant culture we found in Hell and its sleepy backwaters are an unspoiled holiday destination well on its way to becoming the next Tuscany.  For adrenalin junkies don’t miss the crawl up and then down Lucifer’s body.  Only then can you experience Hell’s best kept secret — the rustic road to Mount Purgatory.  At its end the reward for your adventures will be breathtaking vistas, and the golden beaches at your feet will wash away your cares.   Stay a while; you will feel quite refreshed.  Once you are rejuvenated by the tranquility of the pounding surf you will be more than ready to explore the bustling markets and lively nightlife that color the charming hamlets nestled along the slopes of Mount Purgatory.  At the top of your soul-cleansing climb up the mountain your reward is Edenic gardens and an exotic parade of folk life.  Next prepare yourself to be whisked onward and upward!  There’s something in this divine place for everyone, and for those of you who enjoy the comforts of air travel your next stop is a paradise rich in history and filled with friendly locals.  Enjoy the music of the spheres along the way! Your journey culminates with a must see destination, the experience of which will leave you saying to yourself how incomplete is speech, how weak, when set against my thought!  What.  I saw that look.  Tell me.  No good?  What’s wrong with it?  I suppose I should recommend a hotel or two, maybe some restaurants.  No?  Shit.  You sure?  Well, maybe it will make a good poem. 

These heavy sands are language tide and wind have silted here

• Proteus

Never has any thing produced by human reason been everlasting -- following the heavens, men seek the new, they shift their predilections. That man should speak at all is nature's act, but how you speak -- in this tongue or in that -- she leaves to you and to your preference.11:23 am

I am well out of it.  Wet but wet dries.  It was the wind of wild air of seeds of brightness that did it, I was thinking about those golden seeds windborne, impregnating mortals.  Harpies as fast as gusts.  Then I walked into the ocean.  Not for that reason, but why not?  My soul walks with me.  Take everything, keep it all.  I have my form of forms and whether I listen to Elsinore’s tempting flood and walk into the ocean (I turned back) or sit on a couch of sand makes little difference.  The flood is following me.  Lord will it attack me?  Enough.  Enough walking through memories.  I move and time and space conjoin.  Better to sit and kill time instead.  I’ve no loyalty there.  I’m not time’s bitch.  Think of that dead dog who sat with me, my loyal pointer Orthus.  There: decay.  Good dog.  Bloat and decay: evidence of time’s destruction.  It destroys us and we destroy it right back.  Kill it.  Blur it together with space, kill that too for all I care. Stone it to death and they collapse together. I no longer see distinctions. The running dog? Just a point. Hungry brother of Orthus. Peekaboo I see you. Not me. Or you. The dog.

Looks horrid open

• Hades

I was where all the shades were fully covered but visible as wisps of straw in glass.11:20 am

That drive to the funeral, Paddy Dignam emigrating.  Think of him in there, in that box.  What if he fell out?  Paddy rolling all over the place.  Would he bleed if pierced by a nail?  Better bury him in dark red.  Suppose wouldn’t have blood anymore.  What would leak out?  Bury him in puce.  Mouth sewn closed.  Eyes too.  Sphincter.  Seal it all up.  Take him from Harborview, where old Mrs. Riordan died They take the incurables there.  Encourages them.  Bee stings too, went there then.  Morgue on site, convenient.  Need to put the cemetery next door and it would be one stop shopping.  Would speed things up.  Make a mall of it.  Take care of paperwork, wills, last rites, pick out the coffin or maybe urn.  Efficient.  And not just for the emigrants.  The living would have their conveniences too.  Mourning clothes, bar for after they relieve the hearse.  Have a little elixir of life, extend your stay.

Nother dying come home father

• Proteus

I heard this said to me: "Watch how you pass; walk so that you not trample with your soles the heads of your exhausted, wretched brothers."11:13 am

So I came home.  I went to Paris, starved, feasted, starved some more.  I sent pathetic messages to Nother, persevering self-pity, today I am twenty hours without food, your money was very welcome as I had been without food for 42 (forty-two) hours, spells of fasting are common for me now.  And from her position prostrate before the door she would sell furniture, rugs so her suffering boy might eat and buy magazines and a blue condom.  Once I missed her money order by two minutes.  Encore deux minutes!  Ferme.  See what I mean see?  I had nothing when Dad’s message came and had to pretend to speak broken English to avoid tipping a porter.  Inhabit the obsequious manner of a foreigner.  O, that’s all only all right.  And home.  Now I march over the piled stone mamoth skulls.  Proud, though it is not a task to take in jest, to show the base of all the universe — nor for a tongue that cries out “Nother.”

Heteroousios Dinner Theatre Presents: Contransmagnificandjewbangtantiality Starring Arius the Illstarred Heresiarch!

• Proteus

Far worse than uselessly he leaves the shore more full of error than he was before, who fishes for the truth but lacks the art. Of this Parmenides, Melissus, Bryson are clear proofs to the world and many others who went their way but knew not where it went; so did Sabellius and Arius and other fools, like concave blades that mirror, who rendered crooked the straight face of Scriptures. So too let men not be too confident in judging, witness those who in the field would count the ears before the corn is ripe11:03 am

God:  Hello! God here.  Aleph, Alpha, no headset chatter please.  Jesus let me know when you have places.

Jesus:  Nobody can find Arius.

God:   What! Why?  Entrées are coming out of the kitchen already.  Just look!  Plate after plate of clotted hinderparts.  Where in my name is he?

Jesus:  Not, not one of us can find him.

God:  Oh Christ.

Jesus: [materializes in the booth]  I’m here.

God:  Holy Jesus Christ you scared the shit out of me!  What are you doing in the booth?  It’s as if you came from nowhere.

Jesus:  Sorry.  I thought we should keep this off the headsets.  Arius said some odd things before the show.  Something about how you are not really my dad and we are both part of the same thing.  And that I should be co-stage manager instead of ASM.  Also, he didn’t look very good.

God:  I know, he was terrible in the first act, coming down the steps flabbily, with splayed feet.

Jesus:  And he had the worst gas.  Smelled like he was about to have a violent relaxation of his bowels.  Those front row tables!  I wept for them.

God:  Is that what that was?  I smelled it in the booth!  Look, we can’t just sit here navel gazing, we’re out of time.  Have you checked the toilet?

Jesus:  I just had that same thought.  I’ll look there, but I have a bad feeling about it.

God:  I just thought that same thing!  It’s like we have one mind.  Oh and Jesus, we should look into replacing him.  How about Adam Kadmon?  He can play anything.  Where’s that review of Edenville?  Here.  Listen to this: “he was a man and a woman at the same time”  he can play all the roles!  And this: “quite pure in breeding.  He could give birth parthenogenically at will.”

Jesus:  We can have a cast of thousands!

God:  “and he had a body that could pass through trees and stones”  that might be hard to plan for.  Think our technical director is up for it?

Jesus:  Heva?  Come on, she’s a viper.

God:  Well, go see if Arius is stalled on the throne or somewhere.  And don’t forget we are meeting for drinks at The Ship at half twelve.  And by the way, go easy with your money like a good young imbecile.

We have committed many errors

• Nestor

To course across more kindly waters now my talent's little vessel lifts her sails, leaving behind itself a sea so cruel; and what I sing will be that second kingdom, in which the human soul is cleansed of sin, becoming worthy of ascent to Heaven.

Holy Mother Public Relations, Inc.
10th Heaven
Empyrean

Meeting Minutes

Date:  February 6
Time:  10:53 am
Location:  10th Heaven conference room C, Empyrean building
Purpose:   Initial branding meeting with Eve, Helen of Troy, and continuation of Mary Magdalene campaign.

 

Attendees:

The Virgin Mary, Meeting Host 
Eve, New client
Helen of Troy, New client
Mary Magdalene, Client

 

Agenda:

1.  Brainstorm joint PR campaign for Eve and Helen
2.  Develop action plans for Eve and Helen of Troy
3.  Mary Magdalene continuation of action plan
4.  Develop possibilities for negative PR, maybe something new this time.

 

Discussion:

1.  Mary discussed success re: her own case.  Talking points were her unexplained pregnancy and potential social disaster.  PR push.  Damage control.  Result: everybody thinks she’s a virgin and the daughter of her own son.  She is now widely esteemed with stellar poll numbers particularly in Latin America and parts of Europe.

2.  Discussed efficacy of article placement in cross-platform media outlets except billboards; speaking engagements (appearances in dreams, visions, usual platforms), charity functions, direct marketing, and crisis management.  Possible planting of artifacts in archeological sites.  Problem, Eden: fictional.

3.  Eve.  Primary problem — blamed for fall of humanity.  Expulsion from garden.  Also, labor pains.  Discussed fault of serpent and Adam complicity.

4.  Helen of Troy.  Blamed for Trojan war / fall of Troy, labeled a runaway wife but was kidnapped.  Fault: Aphrodite.  Also, Menelaus not most ideal husband.  And Helen from Sparta not Troy.

5.  Mary Magdalene.  Reputation as notorious prostitute.  Victim of slander, possibly at the hands of Martha (sister).  In later stages of PR campaign.  Discussed her campaign as example for new clients Eve and Helen.  Success of Da Vinci Code campaign.

Action Items:

1.  Contact apple growers associations in top ten apple producing countries for possible promotional opportunities, or photo ops with focus on developing a more positive association between the apple and Eve (tree of knowledge) & Helen (apple of discord.)

2.   Brainstorm negative PR campaigns for Adam, Serpent, Menelaus, Aphrodite, and Martha (litigious).  Send intern to look through garbage of each.  Have paparazzi follow.

3.  Possible ad campaign promoting benefits of epidural anesthesia.  (Eve)

4.  Helen, face of international shipping?  Research availability of 1000 ships for possible televison commercial, print media, and viral you tube video.

5.  Mary Magdalene, The Da Vinci Code part 2?  Check availability of Dan Brown, Tom Hanks.

6.  Develop app for Da Vinci Code part 1.

 
Minutes typed by: Joseph
Approved by:  Mary, Virgin and CEO
 
 
 
 

His eyes coming to blue life as they passed a broad sunbeam

• Nestor

I surely saw, and it still seems I see, a trunk without a head that walked just like the others in that melancholy herd; it carried by the hair its severed head, which swayed within its hand just like a lantern; and that head looked at us and said: "Ah me!" Out of itself it made itself a lamp, and they were two in one and one in two; how that can be, He knows who so decrees. When it was just below the bridge, it lifted its arm together with its head, so that its words might be more near us, words that said:10:46 am

He calls America’s Jews sowers of schism.  He suggests that Jewish members of the Bush administration pushed the United States into a middle eastern war so they might steal the Jewish vote from the democrats.  The theory: the nearly half of the world’s Jews who live in America would support a war against anybody who threatens the nearly other half of the world’s Jews living in Israel.  Oh his paranoia.  His signs of the nation’s decay.  His government in the hands of the Jews.  His Jews at their work of destruction.  He stood within a sunbeam and pushed with his eyes.  They sinned against the light his eyes complained.  And his eyes said look, you can see the darkness in their eyes.  His lantern eyes projecting.  He sees threat in Jewish money.  He complains of a new anti-Semitism damping his lantern jaws from speaking in the old ways against Zionism.  His predicament, what’s so new?  His eyes have sniffed out a new Jewish problem.  I say it’s all two in one and one in two, and however you divide it from itself it stinks of an anti-Semite problem.  And greater than this a human problem.  We are all condemned to wander the earth.  Time will surely scatter us all.

Time shocked

• Nestor

And there, together in their flame, they grieve over the horse's fraud that caused a breach -- the gate that let Rome's noble seed escape. 10:40 am

Deasy has framed pictures of racehorses in his office.  Don’t think about it.  Stop.  Under the elfin riders the horses.  Stop.  Monsterous large burst their frames, riding gigantic and oh no I am shouting with the crowds and with Cranley.  Place your bets, parimutuelly.  No.  That horse is racing, looking with his dot eye, wagering against me.  He wears oranges.  That orange scent of the meatfaced woman in front of us.  I smell it!  Oh god that horse.  Looking at me!  Its spearspike baited with men’s blood and guts and jousting aiming for me.  Shock.  Time split open, I feel it rebounding against me shock by shock.  The joust of life.  I am the frozen deathspew of the slain.  A shout of spearspikes!  What!  What?  When?  Now, then.  Oh God it stopped.  It stopped.  Oh thank God.  My breath.  I feel sick.

Whorled without end

• Nestor

And almost where the hillside starts to rise -- Look there! A leopard, very quick and lithe, a leopard covered with a spotted hide. He did not disappear from sight, but stayed; indeed he so impeded my ascent that I had often to turn back again. 10:30 am

Picked up paycheck.  $634.88.  Tried to make brief my bi-monthly appearance in the undergrad office for it.  As it was in the beginning is now.  And ever shall be?  Got cornered by Deasy.  Asked me to wait in his office.  Shit.  Tiny offices in Padelford.  I think mine is in one of the sub-basements.  I wouldn’t know, I don’t like descending there.  Climbing back up my firm foot is always the one below, dragging.  Deasy’s breakfast still on his desk.  And a mirror to see his angry white moustache (rare) and illdyed hair.  Makes the room smaller.  Has shells in a mortar.  Left over from grinding purple for the emperor.  Hollow.  Cowries for buying islands and leopard shells blocking their way.  Symbols of beauty and power.  The numbers on my paycheck, symbols of greed, pride, avarace, and lust.