Having my way with Ulysses

You might pick up a young widow here

• Hades

11:45 am

Molly caught me writing to Martha.  Almost killed the whole thing.  I wrote the wrong address on the envelope I used to cover the letter.  I hope it’s not in a dead letter office somewhere.  In the midst of life we are in death.  Like John O’Connell.  Life among the tombs.  Keeps it well, trimmed edges, nice grass.  Corpse manure best for plants.  Mastiansky said Chinese cemetery poppies make the best opium.  Could be a decent trade.  Carcasses for gardens.  Dig them under when they are green and pink still, decomposing.  Then they become a kind of a tallowy kind of a cheesy.  Then black treacle oozing.  This must be what the plants like.  Then dried up deathmoths.  How did O’Connell get a woman to marry him, come live at the graveyard?  Try dangling that in front of somebody.  Courting death.  Is thrilling I expect.  Love among the tombs.  Tantalizing for the poor dead, though, like smell of grilling meat for the starving.  Fields of them out there, ground honeycombed with them.  More room if buried standing up.  Except wouldn’t want a mudslide, head might come up with pointing hands.

We have committed many errors

• Nestor

To course across more kindly waters now my talent's little vessel lifts her sails, leaving behind itself a sea so cruel; and what I sing will be that second kingdom, in which the human soul is cleansed of sin, becoming worthy of ascent to Heaven.

Holy Mother Public Relations, Inc.
10th Heaven
Empyrean

Meeting Minutes

Date:  February 6
Time:  10:53 am
Location:  10th Heaven conference room C, Empyrean building
Purpose:   Initial branding meeting with Eve, Helen of Troy, and continuation of Mary Magdalene campaign.

 

Attendees:

The Virgin Mary, Meeting Host 
Eve, New client
Helen of Troy, New client
Mary Magdalene, Client

 

Agenda:

1.  Brainstorm joint PR campaign for Eve and Helen
2.  Develop action plans for Eve and Helen of Troy
3.  Mary Magdalene continuation of action plan
4.  Develop possibilities for negative PR, maybe something new this time.

 

Discussion:

1.  Mary discussed success re: her own case.  Talking points were her unexplained pregnancy and potential social disaster.  PR push.  Damage control.  Result: everybody thinks she’s a virgin and the daughter of her own son.  She is now widely esteemed with stellar poll numbers particularly in Latin America and parts of Europe.

2.  Discussed efficacy of article placement in cross-platform media outlets except billboards; speaking engagements (appearances in dreams, visions, usual platforms), charity functions, direct marketing, and crisis management.  Possible planting of artifacts in archeological sites.  Problem, Eden: fictional.

3.  Eve.  Primary problem — blamed for fall of humanity.  Expulsion from garden.  Also, labor pains.  Discussed fault of serpent and Adam complicity.

4.  Helen of Troy.  Blamed for Trojan war / fall of Troy, labeled a runaway wife but was kidnapped.  Fault: Aphrodite.  Also, Menelaus not most ideal husband.  And Helen from Sparta not Troy.

5.  Mary Magdalene.  Reputation as notorious prostitute.  Victim of slander, possibly at the hands of Martha (sister).  In later stages of PR campaign.  Discussed her campaign as example for new clients Eve and Helen.  Success of Da Vinci Code campaign.

Action Items:

1.  Contact apple growers associations in top ten apple producing countries for possible promotional opportunities, or photo ops with focus on developing a more positive association between the apple and Eve (tree of knowledge) & Helen (apple of discord.)

2.   Brainstorm negative PR campaigns for Adam, Serpent, Menelaus, Aphrodite, and Martha (litigious).  Send intern to look through garbage of each.  Have paparazzi follow.

3.  Possible ad campaign promoting benefits of epidural anesthesia.  (Eve)

4.  Helen, face of international shipping?  Research availability of 1000 ships for possible televison commercial, print media, and viral you tube video.

5.  Mary Magdalene, The Da Vinci Code part 2?  Check availability of Dan Brown, Tom Hanks.

6.  Develop app for Da Vinci Code part 1.

 
Minutes typed by: Joseph
Approved by:  Mary, Virgin and CEO
 
 
 
 

Let everything rip

• The Lotus-Eaters

Don't piss off Martha10:12 am

I hate my sister.  Look at her in there.  She’s totally throwing herself at Jesus.  What a bitch.  She’s actually sitting at his feet and hanging on his every word.  Way to be cool Mary.  And I’m stuck here in the kitchen with this old hag grinding up garlic.  Great.  I’ll reek of it and fish too and meanwhile there’s Mary making Jesus think she’s interested in everything he says.  Oh tell me more and more about your dad, he sounds fascinating!  Cunt.  I’m going to spread the biggest rumor about her.  I’ll tell everyone she’s a total slut.  I’ll take a picture of her naked and it is so going on the internet.  I’ll put her number on Craigslist.  When I’m done she’ll go down in history as the biggest whore who ever pissed off her sister.