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4:04 pm


I’m drowning again.  A slow cool green drop through the mirror.  A dim seagreen sliding shadow.  Depths.  Why did he leave just after?  I had him too.  I had him smackwarm against my smackable, no contest.  The odds were in my favor.  Then he left so fast.  He was boiling then gone just like that.  Maybe I was too silent.  Maybe.  Well.  I know it’s useless to wonder.  And useless to feel the drowning, but I feel it, the fluxing inwardness of dim seagreen filling my useless lungs.  I’m sinking again.  At the bottom of the dim seagreen I start my decline.  I’ve done this before.  Throw me a life ring will you?  I can hear that sob of breath, are you drowning too?  Do your disappointments sink you too?  You’re crying for nothing.  Ever heard that?  Anybody ever anywhere sing those words to you?  You’re crying for nothing.  It’s my chorus.  Everything and nothing.  Same thing.  If it is ineffable, is it nothing or everything?  Speak to me.  No.  Save your breath.  What words could you possibly say?  But I suppose you feel you must because silence is so brutally negating.  Such violence in silence.  I know you drown sometimes too.  But I see you.  I can see you.  I hear you too.  Come on now, pull yourself out.  You’re not as invisible as you think.  Hold on baby.  I’m standing right here.  Listen to me.  You gotta hold on.