Having my way with Ulysses

They are not to be thought away

10:06 am

Scene: [An endlessly large room once belonging to to all the infinite possibilities but now cavernously empty save for two people, Caesar and Pyrrhus.  They have iron clamps around their wrists and ankles which are connected together by a series of chains.  The symbol Ψ has been freshly branded onto their foreheads.  Pyrrhus has an enormous lump on his head, bleeding].

Time: [speaking through the god mic]  Nice work gentlemen, well done.  You ousted some stubborn possibilities, but they are gone now to their own places.  And here you are.

Caesar:  Who said that?

Pyrrhus:  It came from everywhere.  What is it talking about?

Time:  Everywhen.  So let’s see, Caesar you are the Caesar whose wife felt there was some bad juju afoot but you ignored her and chose to go to work.  Tough call that one.  You had lots of other selves to boot out of here.  Good ones too.  I’ll be talking to them soon enough.

Caesar:  What other selves?  I’m here.  This is me!

Time: [suppressing laughter] Well I say that, but I am talking to all of your other selves at this very moment.  I say moment!  I crack myself up sometimes.  And Pyrrhus I see here that you also ignored a perfectly good prophecy and got yourself killed in Argos.

Pyrrhus:  I’m dead?

Time:  You are both dead and alive until somebody checks to see.  Then your chances of one or the other are most likely 70/30.

Phyrrus:  What?!  70/30 which way?

Time:  Both.  This is both/and, honey.  Oh wait, look who I am talking to, you are the Phyrrus that came to pass in this universe, I forget that you think you are unique.

Caesar: [Voice trembling with outrage] Listen you, I demand you release me at once and return me to Rome.  I have legions at my command and I will set them upon you with all force!  Tell us no more of your insanity; I refuse to believe another word.

Time:  Travel to other universes is strictly forbidden.  And you will believe what you wish to be true.  Isn’t that so Caesar?

Caesar:  Humph.  Rings a bell.

Pyrrhus: [Sobbing, snot dripping from his nose uncontrollably] But I am unique!  Aren’t I?  Can any other Pyrrhus be possible seeing that they never were?  And what about me?  I am here.  I must be the only Pyrrhus possible.  Right?

Time:  Oh, you sweet thing.  Here, blow.  [A tissue drops from above, another floats up through the trap door].

Pyrrhus:  Thanks.  I’m just.  I don’t know.  I’m just upset.

Caesar:  Candyass pussy.

Time:  There there, honey, it’s ok.  In another universe you feel perfectly happy.

Caesar:  What are you talking about!  You had better explain yourself or I’ll

Time:  You’ll what?  You are chained here.  You live here now.  This is it for you, you chose your part, this is what it is and for you this is the only is.  Finito.  There is no other option.  Well there are infinite other options, everything that is possible happens, but this is the configuration of reality you chose.  This particular you, that is.  The moment you decided to ignore Calpurnia (not to mention that psychic who said the 15th would be challenging) and head off to the Senate, you split into copies of yourself.  You do it all the time.  Brush your teeth starting on the left, one copy of you is off to its own universe, start on the right, another copy of you in its own universe, etc. etc. ad infinitum.  You are legion.

Pyrrhus: [Tearful]  But I don’t feel myself splitting into copies.  Wouldn’t we know?

Time:  Do you feel the Earth rotate?

Caesar:  It rotates?

Time:  Bad example.

Pyrrhus: [Sniffing] Where are these worlds?

Time:  Right here sweetie, all over the place.

Pyrrhus: [with rising panic] But, I’m confused.  If all possible choices are always made, nothing left unchosen, then what about free will?  Do we still have free will?

Time:  Shh shh shh.  There there, now.  Just relax.  All in good time.

[Time hums a lullaby from The Wind WeaverPyrrhus curls up on the floor and pats himself with smooth caresses.  Caesar wraps his chains around Pyrrhus’ neck and pulls]