Having my way with Ulysses


10:08 am

Why does all the action happen offstage?  Think of Ophelia.  Poor Ophelia!  She has such few lines.  The token chick.  Oh Ophelia, you sweet dead thing.  Probably for the best.  The thing is you fell in love with the wrong guy.  Chica, didn’t anybody ever tell you?  I’ll say it.  Don’t fall in love with crazy.  Don’t do it girl.  Just don’t.  I don’t care how much family money he has, I don’t care that you think he’s cute.  I don’t care that you think you can change him.  You can’t change him.  And I don’t care that you what?  Wait.  What did you just say?  Are you kidding me?  You thought he’d marry you?!  Girl you are delusional.  Are you out of your damn mind?   Hasn’t anybody ever told you to get a ring on it first?  A guy would have to be a lunatic to buy the cow if he’s already getting the free milk.  And a prince?  Please.  He’s got girls coming at him from all sides.  Honey you are just one of the herd.  He gave you some, ahem, private time and what did you do?  You were free and bounteous.  Typical.  Then you couldn’t even kill yourself onstage.  Come on.  We didn’t have a chance to look at your face.  We had to hear about it from Gertrude and you know how she tells a story.  Anything could have happened out there.  She probably drowned you herself.

When I makes water I makes water

And it has been said elsewhere: This body produced from marriage, and endowed with growth in darkness, came forth by the urinary passage, was built up with bones, bedaubed with flesh, thatched with skin, filled with ordure, urine, bile, slime, marrow, fat, oil, and many impurities besides, like a treasury full of treasures.

8:45 am

Buck spent morning talking like an old woman.  Burned breakfast, we had to open the door to let the smoke out.  Key in the lock, but Buck thought I had it.  Made coffee too strong for Haines and no milk.  Haines interested in the seventies feminist movenent now, Gloria Steinem teaching women how to piss standing up.  Where you truss be circumspicious and look before you leak, dears.  Treating everyone like God in drag.  There is a restaurant in BC that prohibits men from peeing standing up.  Told Haines that would not exist in or out of the Northwest.