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12:00 am

Who the hell is she? Get her out of here could you, she’s limiting my radiance. Got a light? So, which one am I marrying, you? Him. Him? For the honor of God, is that Bloom? He barely looks 31!  Did he hear me? He looks 43 at least. Me? Am I on? Right. Good evening ladies, gentlemen, deities, the deceased. As we stand at the base of this, good god would you look at what that looks like, at the base of this pillar of cloud at the start of this year one of the reign of our new what are we calling him? Emperor? President? King? Chairman? To honor my new husband is this the ring? A ruby? hardly a stone of destiny Uh. We have prepared for you a majestic phallopyrotechnic firework display, designed to outshine the splendor of night! Hey. Who wrote the cue cards? Listen. Nothing outshines me, look at the contract. Where’s the lawyers? Where? Behind the millwrights and the newspaper canvassers? Those are the masseurs, aren’t they? Oh in front of them! I swear on my testicles I’m not marring this guy, so may the creator deal with me.