God: Hello! God here. Aleph, Alpha, no headset chatter please. Jesus let me know when you have places.
Jesus: Nobody can find Arius.
God: What! Why? Entrées are coming out of the kitchen already. Just look! Plate after plate of clotted hinderparts. Where in my name is he?
Jesus: Not, not one of us can find him.
God: Oh Christ.
Jesus: [materializes in the booth] I’m here.
God: Holy Jesus Christ you scared the shit out of me! What are you doing in the booth? It’s as if you came from nowhere.
Jesus: Sorry. I thought we should keep this off the headsets. Arius said some odd things before the show. Something about how you are not really my dad and we are both part of the same thing. And that I should be co-stage manager instead of ASM. Also, he didn’t look very good.
God: I know, he was terrible in the first act, coming down the steps flabbily, with splayed feet.
Jesus: And he had the worst gas. Smelled like he was about to have a violent relaxation of his bowels. Those front row tables! I wept for them.
God: Is that what that was? I smelled it in the booth! Look, we can’t just sit here navel gazing, we’re out of time. Have you checked the toilet?
Jesus: I just had that same thought. I’ll look there, but I have a bad feeling about it.
God: I just thought that same thing! It’s like we have one mind. Oh and Jesus, we should look into replacing him. How about Adam Kadmon? He can play anything. Where’s that review of Edenville? Here. Listen to this: “he was a man and a woman at the same time” he can play all the roles! And this: “quite pure in breeding. He could give birth parthenogenically at will.”
Jesus: We can have a cast of thousands!
God: “and he had a body that could pass through trees and stones” that might be hard to plan for. Think our technical director is up for it?
Jesus: Heva? Come on, she’s a viper.
God: Well, go see if Arius is stalled on the throne or somewhere. And don’t forget we are meeting for drinks at The Ship at half twelve. And by the way, go easy with your money like a good young imbecile.